A very good friend of mine shared a great TED video about leadership today. I smiled most of the way through because I finally heard a version that I instinctively lived and experienced myself. I've had the privilege of leading teams myself. There was a time when I considered myself a novice compared to other, senior managers. I was trying to reconcile the idea of organisational authority with that of family through teamwork and time together. And it was a constant struggle. Almost every time my heart was glad for the pleasant atmosphere, the relaxation of allowing yourself to be yourself, whatever role you had in the team, a success of a newer colleague or a different idea, the question inevitably arose: well, well, very nice, but are we still producing something today? You see the numbers aren't quite where they need to be and we have end of month reporting at the centre. And we have that visit on Monday. Puuuufffffff. Total deflation. I'm trying to say that efforts were made, that even these days people stayed overtime, on their own initiative, that we managed x, y, that ... Between 2 emails, a landline call, a mobile call, a shout from the Top office and an invitation to smoke, I lost the attention of management and found myself smiling insecurely as I got up from my chair. I asked an esteemed management consultant (all due respect Mr. I.) what the problem was and what I could do to get along with management, please them and keep that serene atmosphere for the long haul. He asked me simply: who is your direct boss? I answered: X. And he gave me an answer that, at the time, I found mind-boggling. There's no problem, my dear, and there's nothing you can do about it. You see, you're the heart and you act like it. X is process-oriented. You don't speak the same language, so at this stage, you have no way of getting along. X will find it most difficult to learn your language. You can try to put your heart into the process, but you need to think about what you are willing to give up and what compromises you can make. Oh, and there's another risk. Turning into someone else at some point. You see, it's like that quote circulating on FB: "When a flower doesn't bloom you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower!". But what do you do when the environment is so constructed, populated and controlled that in order to survive, to belong to it, you have to conform to it. Do you become a different flower or ...? For a while you think you need to adapt, to find solutions, to try to deliver what is required of you, trying to keep your own way of delivery. Then, every time frustration arises, you delude yourself into thinking it's worth it, you find reasons why you act as required, you think this and this is just the way it has to be, this is just the way it has always worked, so it has to be right, maybe you are the one who needs to change. Until one day. That's when you remember a saying: every bird on its own tongue perishes. And you think about where you wish it would happen. That's what happened to me. One evening, it must have been 6 or 7 p.m. I was trying to talk to management, convinced that I had found some solutions to a difficult situation that I wanted to discuss without delay, because the situation demanded it, and I couldn't. I was given to understand that it would have to wait. Maybe later tomorrow or next week. I insisted on talking that day. And I finally realized that we speak different languages. Each of us. No matter how much we want change or think one would help us, no matter which side we are on, boss/representative of the organization and boss/team representative/aspirant, when most of the values are different, when the way to achieve results is different or we simply come from different worlds, with different beliefs, values and languages, we only get 2 outcomes. Intro: in the short term, enthusiasm can benefit both parties. Variant 1: in the medium term, the small boss gets sucked into the organisation and loses his identity. Variant 1.2. tries to look like he's giving in and becomes at best frustrated and stressed, at worst paranoid and good for therapy. Variant 2: leaves. Alone or encouraged to do so. Lest we get to another saying: big fish eat small fish.

Conclusion: ask great bosses how values come alive in the organisation; what their greatest success is and how they achieved it; how they lead their teams and how they contributed to their results; what the soul of the organisation is and how they make life better for the 'troops'; what they would do for them in less rosy times. Enjoy the video below, while asking yourself what you would do for your leaders. Maybe then you will find out if you are in the right place. What other questions do you feel would clarify your belonging?

https://youtu.be/lmyZMtPVodo