Welcome to a new episode of the Road to Self podcast, Mirror and Change.

I'm Laura Vlaicu, Life and Career Change Strategist, and today I want to talk to you about the mirror, both literally and figuratively.

About how this common object, within anyone's reach, can be a tool for personal work, in the sense of self-knowledge and further growth of any positive aspect of ourselves that we want to integrate and experience in our lives.

So what is the mirror? A mirror is ''an object with a smooth, shiny surface of various shapes, made of metal or glass, covered on one side with a metallic coating and having the property of reflecting light rays and thus forming, on the shiny side, the image of objects''. According to archaeological evidence, the mirror is an ancient attribute of human civilisation, the first such objects dating back some 5000 years ago, with Egypt and China as the centres of expansion. The first glass mirrors were manufactured by Murano glassmakers during the 12th century. Until the 17th century, in Venice, anyone who shared the secret of mirror manufacturing could be sentenced to death. The production of mirrors remained a monopoly of the Venetian state until the mid-17th century. The chemical process of coating glass with metallic silver was discovered in the 19th century.

The symbols associated with the mirror are fascinating and present in all cultures. From the idea that the mirror reflects truth, sincerity, the attributes of the heart and of the conscience, to the superstitions associated with dirty, distorted or broken mirrors, which can signify separation, bad luck, self-deception or vanity, or the use of mirrors for ritual or magical purposes.

Or the concept that others are our reflection. There is the idea of direct reflection, we attract people we are similar to. Or, on a subconscious echo, we prefer to associate with those who are like us, part of what we perceive to be our group. There is also an element of bias/pre-judgement in this, but this perspective I will address in a dedicated podcast. Another direction is the opposite reflection. Anything that bothers us coming from others, any judgement we make about another person are inner aspects of ourselves that we would do well to pay attention to and identify the message they are trying to convey to us. Perhaps some of us get upset with those people who seem expansive, trying to get the attention of others. And perhaps this is caused by our own mistrust or fear of being in the limelight and exposed to the attention of others. Perhaps it is about our own unfulfilled desires and the disappointment that they are not being fulfilled, possibly due to self-distrust or shyness. We often develop a negative attitude towards a person because that person reflects a certain aspect we reject about ourselves. Or other times we will attract people totally opposite to us to integrate or balance an aspect that is currently undersized, denied or under-valued in our lives. When we act predominantly from the space of authority, of power, and we are drawn to a sensitive and vulnerable partner, that partner may reflect our need for recognition and acceptance of our own vulnerability. If we are instead sensitive and in a relationship with a powerful person, we are likely to feel victimised and controlled until we can become aware of and tap into our inner power.

The world we experience seems to be a projection of our consciousness, returning back to us positive or negative states and emotions. The road to perfection may offer a heavy and utopian perspective in the context that we already carry a baggage of experiences, beliefs, convictions and expectations in a world that in turn has a smaller or larger backpack. At the starting line of this journey we will never be equal, and the vision we aspire to is as multifaceted as the number of participants. Any personal journey, regardless of destination, could benefit from an analysis and acceptance of the current state of facts. By truly assessing what is, we can determine what our existing and potential resources are, the activities required, the pace and the steps we can take towards the proposed destination with the knowledge we have at the moment, while maintaining our agile style of action. Because, not only do we have the right to change our mind at any time, but flexibility and alertness in action can also show us other ways or methods to get where we want to go. Sometimes the 10th step brings with it the most appropriate response to the new moment in the journey to self. Choosing to accept yourself as you are and others as they are in this moment can bring you more peace, serenity and self-reconciliation to begin with in all the diversity and beauty of the seeming contradictions that exist, but also the clarity to act meaningfully in those directions you choose to pursue knowing what is important for you to change in order to be happy.

Most of the time, when you choose to look where it hurts, accepting the current state of being, it will become impossible to delude yourself by placing the reasons for your unfulfillment outside yourself. You may realise that it is not a single moment or element that is causing your pain. Perhaps it will feel overwhelming and hard to change. You may need help. Maybe it will help you to see how others have achieved that goal. You may not be able to change it here and now, but by accepting that the situation cannot continue, you will take the first step towards change. You'll be able to make the necessary plan, determine if and who can support you, what steps and resources you can call on to take action. And, just as importantly, you will be clear about why you are making the change, what the change will bring, how you will feel when you make the change, what its impact will be on your life, your well-being and your own self-worth and self-esteem that you have activated your inner power to do what is for your highest good.

Lets have a look on a practical exercise using the physical mirror. Even though many of us associate looking in the mirror with the idea of narcissism or may feel awkward/inadequate, learning how to see ourselves in our own reflection can help increase self-compassion, manage stress and improve our relationship with ourselves and others, i.e. increase emotional resilience. Our desire to be seen is basic and innate. In the digitised age we live in, as we spend more and more time alone or on personal devices, we can lose the social mirroring and interactions we used to have more often as children, for example, when through such connections we came to know and understand ourselves, i.e. develop socially and emotionally. Perhaps some of you can relate to my experiences as a child - I used to look at the shiny surfaces I encountered and when I caught my face having different expressions, I would exaggerate them or mimic the adults around me. Watching my reflection amused me and heightened my curiosity, helping me to understand and express emotions because I could see how I felt and looked when I was experiencing emotion. As I grew older, I ended up using the mirror to watch how I looked when I was getting ready to leave the house or on breaks from events, often evaluating my image against society's standards of beauty or appearance and seeking to correct any imperfections or seemingly less aesthetic elements. Sometimes, I would catch my face casually in a mirror and see myself looking sad or tired - only then would I realise that this was how I actually felt and not how I had responded five minutes earlier to a colleague.

The mirror can therefore evoke strong feelings and at the same time show us parts of ourselves that are usually hidden when we relate to the world.

For many of us standing in front of the mirror and observing ourselves longer in the mirror can be difficult at first, it may seem like you need to work with yourself a bit to keep yourself present and get past the stage of studying the elements of outer structure - what your hair looks like, how wrinkled your face is, etc. Trust that as you continue, you will become less critical, more present, and working with yourself will become a game of discovery, acceptance, managing the intensity of your emotions, and the mirror will become a companion, a dear friend.

How do we work with the mirror?

In terms of preparation, you need to set aside 10 to 15 minutes, to be in a space where you won't be disturbed or interrupted, where you have a mirror and a chair in front of it that you can sit on an arm's length away. You need to allow your body and mind to relax and be willing to connect more deeply with yourself. Begin by closing your eyes and focusing on your breath. Inhale and exhale deeply a few times. Watch as the air moves into your abdomen, expanding it and as you exhale contracting it. Notice if you feel tension in any part of your body. Imagine that as you breathe that area relaxes and any trace of tension disappears. Open your eyes slightly. You are sitting in a chair and start looking at your eyes in the mirror. Notice if the rhythm of your breathing changes when you first look at yourself. Try to return to regular breathing. Notice how you look at yourself - critically or with compassion. If it is critical, notice your eyes as you look at yourself in this way and try to shift your attention from the person or image in the mirror that you are analysing to the person inside receiving this evaluation. That person is you. How does that part of you feel being the one receiving this criticism? By continuing to look at yourself, you remain open to the feelings and emotions that arise. Let them be, without judgment, without interpretation, as you continue to breathe, to relax your body, looking at you for the sole purpose of being present with yourself. To the extent that your attention comes to focus on a particular point, try to expand it to seeing your whole body again, your whole being, and notice whatever emotion appears on your face. Notice the thoughts and images that this exercise generates, again, without judgment, without interpretation. Maintain a warm and understanding attitude towards yourself as you continue to watch and be with yourself. You will be surprised how much your perception of yourself can change in just 10 minutes.

By choosing to practice this technique, you will learn to be present with yourself, to self-manage your emotions and to gradually access your inner power. By embracing and accepting yourself, you will be able to set yourself apart from the inner critic and relying on outside expectations that amplify our anxiety that we are not good enough. You will be in the optimal space to choose where you want to initiate change for your highest good.

In the process of increasing self-confidence, working with the mirror can also be an ally. I recommend Louise Hay's work, Mirror Work: 21 Days to Heal Your Life.

She proposes a 21-day program in which you have your own ritual of looking in the mirror for about 5 minutes a day and saying your own affirmations in front of the mirror, and then saying them again whenever you come across a mirror during the day. Examples of such affirmations - I love myself, I am strong, I can successfully handle any situation in my life, my life is blessed and harmonious.

Every time you experience a happy event, go in front of the mirror and give yourself thanks for it, allow yourself to enjoy the radiance present in your eyes and on your face, and if you experience less positive aspects, try to give yourself understanding and confidence that you can handle them in full control and safety as another way to learn and become better and more prepared for future events.

The power is within you!

Namaste!