Welcome to another episode of the Road to Self podcast.
I'm Laura Vlaicu, Life & Career Change Strategist and today I want to talk to you about the immense power that habits exert upon our life, how they can influence our thoughts and actions, and eventually how they can define our way of being and living, the success or the lack of success in our lives and who we are as individuals.
In this episode we will immerse into the psychology of habits. We will explore how habits are formed, why some habits are so hard to change and how we can make the best use of our knowledge, and mind mechanisms to improve our life and to attain our objectives.
We will deep dive into practical instruments and strategies to operate our behaviours into the direction we intend to so that we create positive lasting changes into our lives.
According to studies, 45% of our behaviors are habits. This means that because they are not conscious, but automatic, they greatly influence our lives. At the same time, we may not be fully aware of the impact that habits have on our daily lives, on the quality of our daily life, both positively and negatively. Having an occasional dessert with your afternoon coffee may not have a noticeable impact on your waistline, but eating it every day most likely will.
When we are stressed or tired we tend to resort to habit-like behaviors because our conscious, rational mind is less active at such times. If you fail to pay conscious attention to your habits, you may turn to less healthy ones when you're under stress or tired, such as emotional eating or smoking. On the other hand, if you've managed to reinforce healthy habits such as exercise, sports, walking, meditation, mindful breathing, you'll be able to fall back on them at those times, which can be a great thing for you.
If we accept the reality that the quality of our lives is significantly influenced by our habits whether we want it or not, the question is - do we or do we not decide to exercise the necessary control over such an important factor in our existence?
An interesting article published by Forbes in 2020 mentioned that 80% of the resolutions made on New Year's Day fail by mid-February of the new year.
While some of us often go into these resolutions with the best intentions of keeping them, they are set around an arbitrary date — some people may feel pressured to make a resolution because it’s the new year and encouraged by the energy of the new year they aspire to big goals and radical changes. While the intention may be good, without a clear action plan and actionable steps throughout a reasonable period for them to become part of our daily life and associated identity, we usually revert to old habits, sooner or later after the usual routine restarting after holidays takes back control. I will talk more about applicable strategies that stick in new habit formation later in the podcast so that you can do it!
Let's briefly recap the main message of this introduction: habits can work in our favor or against us, so it is essential to understand the details behind habit formation.
If we were to follow James Clear's vision - it is good to know that in order to achieve sustainable results it is important to stop pursuing single goals and rather to focus on the system we use to act towards achieving our goals.
For example - both the winning team and the next placed team had the same objective - to win a competition. What most likely made the difference is the system the winning team used to achieve a better performance.
Let's take an example closer to home - if your goal is to have a clean and tidy room, but you continue to follow the same carelessness that contributed to the messy room, pretty soon you will end up with the same mess. You've treated the symptom and not the cause. Achieving a point goal can change your state of affairs in a moment. This is the paradox of progress. We think we need to change outcomes, but outcomes themselves are not the essence of the problem. What we need to change are the systems that led to those outcomes. To achieve long-term progress, we need to solve system-level problems. By fixing the system the results will improve by themselves.
So, now is the best time to set the basic concepts with which we will operate the change that will be covered in this episode.
What are habits and why do they matter so much?
Britannica Dictionary definition describes habit as a usual way of behaving: something that a person does often in a regular and repeated way.
Another way of relating to habits is that they are formed and activated automatically to free up our capacity for concentration and action. If we were to pay attention to all the little things we do at the end of the day we would be extremely exhausted.
Continuing in this direction, by associating our brain with a computer, the fact that it has developed such automaticity allows it to be more efficient and to have more room to acquire new information and the related ability to solve difficult situations.
Imagine how complex our being is, how at this moment, while I'm talking, my body is doing extraordinary work and all kinds of operations that I'm not even aware of while I'm concentrating on talking to you. I'm breathing, my heart beating, pumping blood through my veins to carry nutrients to my organs, while I can use my conscious attention to speak, without making any effort to remember how to articulate the words or how the sounds come out of my mouth.
Due to the fact that my brain has a procedure to transform repetitive actions into habits and automatisms, it can thus use the conscious mind to be alert to its surroundings, to what is new, to be able to understand, to be able to deepen and repeat the process of learning other knowledge and other activities to expand its functionality and to focus its attention on matters that are more complicated.
Coming back to habits, even if they don't start as an automatic behavior, if we repeat a certain behavior over and over again, with a certain frequency, it will at some point become automatic and will manifest itself when a certain trigger or conditions occur - we will explore the concept shortly.
There are many ways to categorize habits in terms of how we think or behave, or in terms of how they relate to ourselves or others.
Through the way we have experienced life, our environment, the way we have been brought up and educated, we may develop certain patterns, including mental patterns, we construct our own story, limiting beliefs, ruminations that we may or may not be aware of. Through successive repetition of these elements, or through our exposure to circumstances and people who trigger or influence them, or who themselves have similar behaviors or feedback, we come to believe that certain things are true and undeniable, and this attitude already becomes a habit, a way of thinking. We develop our own way of relating to others and the way we perceive them, and not infrequently we end up judging them, categorizing them. If someone looks at us in a certain way or acts in a certain way, and we remember that in previous situations people who looked or acted in the same way had elicited a certain reaction in us or a certain kind of outcome, we tend to apply the same reasoning to the new situation. This is how we can develop stereotypes, prejudices, biases.
When we refer to the types of behaviors that become habits, we can talk about self-directed behaviors, i.e. those that are moderated by social interactions.
Self-directed behaviors are those behaviors that have an effect on oneself, such as the way we eat, the way we groom ourselves, brush our teeth, exercise, etc.
Social interaction involves communication, exchange and connection with other people. That is why we tend to behave in a certain way that depends on the role we assume in a social context, the norms and expectations given by a particular type of event. Whether we are talking about a family dinner or a formal dinner, we will have a different set of behaviors - the way we address others, who sits where at the table, etc.
I want to pause for a moment from this presentation to ask you the following question - What are the habits that you know you SHOULD include in your daily routine and yet you DON'T?
Please take a moment to reflect on this question. It would be great if you can write down the answer - look around and find something to write on and a sheet of paper for this exercise, or you may want to use your phone's notes app.
As you write, notice what kind of language you use. How do you relate to your habits? Is it about reducing something, eliminating something? Or is it about creating something completely new? Are those habits a tool to get somewhere, to become a different person or do they have a goal attached to them?
Keep your attention on your intentions throughout this episode and as you listen to the concepts and tools presented, try to identify what actions you can implement to be successful, build a new strategy to maintain them from now on. My intention is to take you from the point where you know you should do them to the point where you really want to do them, are convinced you can do them and will do them with determination.
Now it's time to dig deeper into why habits matter and shape our lives.
Most habits revolve around health. And this is a very good one indeed - according to scientific data, healthy habits are the key to performance. Also, fortunately, there are extremely many books out there outlining which habits to implement for stellar performance. The list includes getting up early, getting enough sleep, eating healthy, exercising, taking regular breaks when you work, meditating, visualizing success for yourself, setting clear priorities, practicing gratitude for all that you are, all that you have and all that is good in your life. Experts also talk about the other side of the coin - the negative impact of not having such habits or what are the main disruptors of healthy habits - insufficient sleep, emotional eating or time spent on the phone without a productive purpose, abuse of ingested substances such as alcohol, sugar or nicotine.
It is important to note that the habits mentioned earlier have the quality of being meta-habits. This means that having one such habit leads to the successful fulfillment of other such habits, impacting many areas of your life. Simply put, if you get a good night's rest, you'll have a good start to the day, with greater focus and determination to accomplish your daily activities and what you set out to do that day. If you eat healthily, you'll have better energy and fitness to accomplish more in a day. If you exercise, your body will produce endorphins that will instantly make you feel good, energized, confident in your body and strength, and so on.
What we will notice in this episode is that the main challenge is not to know what are the goals we need to achieve, but rather how to maintain them and what are the effective strategies to follow.
Let's continue with a bit of neuroscience, that of habit formation.
You may already be familiar with the two main operating systems of our brains. Jonathan Haidt describes their functionalities and roles by means of an analogy - the horseman and the elephant, while Daniel Kahneman calls them System 1 and System 2. In this episode I will use the first analogy.
Think of the elephant as that large part of the brain that creates and stores our habits and implicit (unconscious) memory as it considers what's new a threat. It works on automatic mode - fast, unconscious, intuitive, highly performing and energy efficient when it comes to solving simple problems and managing multiple actions. The executioner on the other hand works optimally when managing a single operation, it is dedicated to solving complex problems and consequently is highly controlled, behaving slowly, intentionally and accessing the cognitive function of the brain. This is why, as a result of the increased energy required to solve complex problems, it gets tired much faster. Unlike the elephant, the rider is flexible and open to novelty and change, while at the same time being sensitive to satisfaction, which is at odds with the elephant's sensitivity to negative information as it focuses on security and survival. You can also think of the elephant as that big part of the brain that has stored all kinds of experiences since the beginning of time, it's like a huge library that we carry within ourselves. The elephant tends to take control especially when we are tired and/or experiencing intense emotions. At such times it will more quickly resort to habitual patterns and limit the rider's conscious intervention. This is all the more reason to have healthy habits in place and to practice them constantly, so that they are the ones the elephant will fall back on, while giving the rider more space to build new strategies that will ensure a balanced life in all aspects.
It's time to recap some basics.
A habit is formed when, as a result of a specific trigger, a reward has been obtained through a specific action and an associated routine has been created. As this process has been repeated several times and the habit is anchored, the trigger is sufficient to determine the behavior, either good or bad. For example, when some of us wake up in the morning, we will want to drink a coffee. As soon as we smell and taste the coffee, and we have previously associated these senses with additional activities (accessing social media accounts, smoking a cigarette, etc.), we will automatically resort to the associated activity that will give us a dopamine boost.
So to change a harmful habit to a healthy one, the first step is to identify the triggers that initiate the behavior. Let's say I feel tired and would normally resort to eating chocolate to get an energy boost. What else could I do to get a similar result? If possible, something that is equally easy or within my reach. Because if I perceive the alternative as a complicated action I will most likely not resort to it. I might opt for a similar activity - eating fruit or nuts, cashews, or another, slightly different, but also enjoyable for me - moving my body to a song I like, taking a short walk, or even a colder shower if possible. The idea is to try alternatives each time I have the same tired feeling. So, when I anticipate that I'm going to have a busy day that might make me feel tired at some point, I can put a basket of fruits/vegetables/nuts and seeds in my workspace that can energize me in a healthier way than say a chocolate. I will detail later how associated events and environment are elements that can influence us towards a better or less good direction when we talk about stimulating habits. Let's say I managed to eat apples instead of chocolate, I feel good because I managed to do so, and I feel confident that I can manage my moods/emotions appropriately. By repeatedly choosing and acting on the new behavior, I will be able to anchor it, and in this way I will mask and eventually make the old behavior obsolete. Studies show that when we try to undo a behavior by eliminating it completely, we can ignore an interesting fact. Our brains were used to feeling a need under those conditions. Opting for a healthier substitute satisfies the need and can also have a subsequent positive impact on us. In this way our brain will not experience the sensation of losing something which would cause an even more intense inner struggle. Because since the body was used to receiving something under certain conditions, by not giving it, you deprive it of that thing. Although the rider (the rational part of the brain) will argue that giving up the harmful habit is a good decision, the elephant (the emotional part of the brain) is much more likely to win the fight in the end. By replacing the element, we are much more likely to win this battle. From a neuroscientific point of view, the most powerful factors influencing human behavior are uncertainty and adversity to loss. Habits are a good example of loss adversity. We don't like to lose things. If something is taken from us, we can even become temporarily irrational. One of the reasons why many diets don't seem to work is that there are types of foods that are eliminated from the dieter's diet. It's true that people may want to go into the elimination phase, but after a certain time, most people revert back to their previous behaviors. So, when you want to change a behavior, one thing you might want to consider is that instead of eliminating an item entirely, you might want to start by introducing a change that gives you a sense of gain or replace it with something that will give you a better outcome.
An alternative way of looking at change is from the perspective of identity.
We talked at the beginning of the episode about limiting beliefs and mental patterns. Over time, these shape how we see ourselves and the identity we construct. This leads to the choices we end up making to reinforce that identity. Whenever you consider changing a habit or introducing a new one, or when you analyze their existence or importance, it will help you to associate them with a particular identity that you identify with or want to embody. Instead of thinking about losing 40 pounds. or building some muscle mass as fixed goals, per se, with concrete numbers, it might be more useful to associate them with an identity - the identity of being a healthy, strong-bodied person. As soon as you anchor yourself in this identity, project yourself into it, you will be able to start questioning whether or not the actions, activities, habits you have or are about to cultivate fit with this identity in order to decide whether or not to follow through.
As we engage in certain patterns for a long period of time, we tend to become more and more unaware of them, which is why changing behavior requires a process of awareness. So, before changing or introducing new habits, it is important to become aware of our current operating system - behavior/trigger/environment/context/emotional state, etc.
One way to do this is to start collecting data with a pencil and paper. Let's take for example your morning routine, what are the actions you do, their order - you wake up, turn off your phone/alarm clock alarm, maybe check your phone to see what happened while you were sleeping, maybe open the window and meditate, then go to the bathroom, take a shower, brush your teeth, etc. By making such a list, you can already notice certain triggers. Some of us when we drink our morning coffee also light up a cigarette or open our social media accounts. Through awareness, you may discover that certain habits are linked to each other or to a certain context, location or people around you. It is also a good opportunity to ask yourself whether a particular habit is a good, less good or neutral thing for your goals. Does this habit/activity/action help you become who you want to be or does it serve a particular goal? Doing such an analysis helps to prepare the necessary planning to change or introduce new habits, to already have in mind potential substitution strategies or to anticipate obstacles you might experience.
I will briefly describe in the next few minutes the five types of factors in your daily routine that can impact the habits mentioned by James Clear in his book Atomic Habits. These are time, location, previous event, emotional state and other people.
I mentioned the morning routine earlier and some examples of more or less healthy actions that many of us follow during this part of the day.
We can also look at the evening routine as an example, when, tired after a day's work, we may be more susceptible to unconsciously following certain routines. Instead of engaging in healthy activities that seem to demand more of our energy - cooking a healthy dinner, exercising, maybe going to the gym for a light workout, we may prefer to sink into the living room couch, order in food and watch Netflix shows. If we find ourselves in such a scenario, the question is why do we resort to such activities. Is the gym too far away? Can we find one closer to us, our home, our office or in between? Can we go with a friend to feel more involved at such times? Do we find healthy cooking too difficult when we are tired? Or do we tend to reward ourselves with junk food after a hard day? Can we prepare a light meal in advance that only needs to be reheated in the evening? Or can we ask our partner to join us when we cook to have a pleasant shared experience or be our accountability partner?
The environment in which we live and carry out our daily activities shapes and influences our behavior. That is why it is important how we design it, how we organize it and what we place in our proximity. It may be necessary to draw up a shopping list of healthy food to have already in the kitchen in the evening. It may help to set aside time beforehand to prepare certain meals or snacks when we have the time and energy to be able to heat and serve them in the evening instead of ordering in. If we want to eat fewer sweets, it might be helpful to stop buying them or having them on hand when we risk getting overwhelmed by certain moods. Or taking my own situation - if I want to concentrate on making this episode and do it in the best possible way, it's helpful not to have my phone around me so as not to risk distracting me in the moments when I'm making this recording. This is an example of why previous events play a similar role in importance. When we have notifications turned on on our phone, we'll be much more tempted to visualize what it's about. As I've expounded at length in a previous episode, in this last example, unless we find it impossible for pertinent reasons, it may help us to take the notifications off the phone, the vibration or sounds, or even place it in another room when we want to focus completely on a particular topic.
Habit overlap is another essential element to consider as we can start to associate one existing habit with another. Let's say I want to have a healthier complexion. Normally, all I do is remove my makeup at night before bed. What I could do is to add activities to my existing ritual - add a toning lotion, lightly scrabbing solution before applying a night moisturizer. This way I will associate an action, a new habit to an existing routine.
We have emphasized the importance of emotional states many times. When we are tired or when we are experiencing intense emotion, the elephant takes control and will tend to resort to certain things that are easier, seem more comfortable and comforting. When we are feeling sad or low in mood, one of the possible things we will tend to turn to is ingesting substances that give us a sense of relief - chocolate, junk food, nicotine to help us produce a different chemical reaction to counteract the state. Or we'll resort to an activity that triggers a similar result - we feel bored so we'll shop online or look on social media, play on our phones or turn to other retreats, some less healthy than others. That's why it's so important to become aware of the actions we take as a result of a particular emotional state. It can give us the opportunity to identify triggers and look for alternatives to respond and manage such emotional states differently.
Another key factor is represented by other people, either in the sense that they can be our role models - in a positive or negative sense, or that they can play a potentially disruptive or detracting role in what we are aiming for at any given time. Let's remember that we are social animals - we will tend to follow a group, a belonging, to feel accepted or that we are part of a larger entity. Some people take up smoking, for example, because it seems like an opportunity to hang out or be part of the fun group that is always going out and sharing the best stories or gossip in the smokers' space. Initially they tell themselves it's just a cigarette and can't do them that much harm. Later on, this activity can become a habit that they will resort to even when the smoking group is not around because they have come to associate smoking with relaxation, the idea of connection, etc. We have positive examples. If we see people who we perceive as potential role models for us, who excel in a certain behavior that we want to adopt, by seeking their presence, joining them and asking questions about how they do it, we can gain the inspiration to cultivate such behaviors in our turn and turn them into habits.
I want to stop for a moment from this presentation.
Please take a moment to reflect on the elements that help or distract you when trying to cultivate a new habit or replace an existing one. Is it time, location, a previous event, is it an emotional state or is it other people? Or perhaps it is a combination of several of these elements?
In habit formation, dopamine and reward strategy play a critical role.
Dopamine isn't just a neurotransmitter that makes you act, it helps you act in a specific direction.
So it stimulates a certain part of our brain that is responsible for allowing us to channel the energy we receive in a specific direction.
We remember what we have done and we can reinforce the reward that comes as a result of the action or association.
There are different ways to increase dopamine levels as we've discussed at length in a previous episode.
Some of these are physical activity, diet, the ability to increase our concentration through meditation or other mindfulness techniques.
Basically dopamine is needed to activate, but also to reinforce the rewards received through habit formation. If these are missing or misidentified, it will unfortunately be impossible to reinforce your habits in the long term.
There are two types of rewards that motivate us. Intrinsic ones, which come from within - for example the motivation to become the best at doing something just for yourself, such as becoming an excellent pilates instructor without being in competition with anyone else, you are driven by your own desire to excel.
The extrinsic ones are what the outside world offers you from different angles.
Unfortunately, some people misidentify their rewards.
Let's take some examples.
I want to lose weight this spring. Why? To look good in a bathing suit on the beach next summer.
Or the tendency to replicate other people's rewards because we may consider them socially acceptable.
I want to buy a new car. Why do you wanna buy a new car? Because people have the same car time. People in the same neighborhood, in the same group, with the same type of status, etc.
And that may not necessarily be the reward I really want, but my brain is starting to think it is because we associate it with a collective mentality.
That is why it is important to understand what really motivates us. And if you've happened to adopt other people's rewards, you may have come to believe them as your own. So it helps to take a step back and re-evaluate your reward system and ask yourself if they really work for you.
At the same time, please keep in mind that rewards must connect to the present reality and context. Just because a reward worked for you a few years ago does not automatically mean that it will have the same result here and now.
So keep asking yourself what you really want when you set out to reinforce a habit.
In addition, it's useful to keep in mind that marking and celebrating small progress and achievements on the road to a bigger goal helps to maintain the dopamine levels we get as a result of our actions. Whether we want to achieve a healthy and fit body, or become a professional athlete, or just reach a certain annual corporate goal, breaking the process down into stages, recognizing and celebrating the progress we make, adjusting if and when necessary the steps and yardsticks we use, will help us to stay motivated and take the necessary steps to achieve our ambition.
Imagine celebrating getting an extra 10 minutes of exercise, eating less sugar and more healthy snacks, or making more happy customers.
Several studies have been published over the years showing the time it takes for a habit to become automatic - 21 days, 66 days on average. The truth is that there is nothing magical about one particular time or another. What matters most is the rate of practicing the behavior, the frequency and consistency.
You can do something twice in 30 days or 200 times in the same period. It's the frequency that makes the difference.
This is one of the reasons why the way you track and monitor your actions is so important at the beginning of the habit-forming process.
And just as important is how many times you don't do it before it's consolidated. Once or twice can be ok especially if you get back on schedule right away.
Be aware of the excuses you have when you don't stick to your goals.
It's important to remember why you started and keep yourself accountable and dedicated.
If you are having difficulty moving forward, it may be useful to go back to your original planning, first to reassess your motivation and then to re-evaluate how you designed your strategy.
Also, it helps to anticipate them as much as possible and put in place a scenario with actions we can take to counteract them.
We already know that our brains have the ability and tendency to justify themselves when things don't seem to go according to plan.
I was going to run in the park today as part of my set workout, but lo and behold, it's raining.
Opa, it's fall, let's hope it doesn't rain tomorrow.
Maybe it would help to have a raincoat handy, or maybe I can replace this type of workout now with one that can give me an equivalent result.
We can also use the scenario in a positive way.
If I get hungry, I'll eat a healthy snack/fruit/seeds/nuts (instead of chocolate/chips etc).
It's time for a quick recap - choose what you want to incorporate into your daily routine by considering the 5 factors - time, location, previous event, emotional state, and other people and/or associate a new, positive habit with the element that triggers the old habit. Attach personal rewards to the new habits, reminding yourself to celebrate each step you take in the desired direction, stick to the newly established routine until it becomes automatic.
There are several ways to track habits. You can use the classic tools - pen and paper, jotting in a diary or marking in a calendar, or you can choose dedicated apps that can support you in this way - from smart devices or apps specifically designed for this, such as Productive, Fabulous, HabitShare, Habitica or Atoms, etc.
Your morale will be truly lifted when you can see the progress you are making, the number of days, the number of activities, their frequency, all contributing to the consolidation of your dream. You'll be able to count when, how often and so you can link them to the time of day and previous activities, including generating new possibilities to overlap them with other habits.
Since the environment plays an important role in the habit routine, I will devote the next few minutes to highlight a few aspects.
We underestimate the environment in which we live and work in many ways. And this can impact us more or less depending on how much time we spend in one location or another. At the same time, if we want to reduce the impact of something in our lives, we can start by making that temptation inconvenient for us.
Let's say we want to eat fewer sweets. For starters it helps not to have them handy. Ideally we wouldn't have bought them, but if we have them, we'll put them where we can't see them, out of sight, out of reach and difficult to access (in the bottom drawer of the top cupboard in the kitchen that we can only reach by climbing up on the stool).
As I said earlier, if I want to focus on something important, I'll put the phone on silent, no vibrate, face down, or at best put it in a drawer or take it to another room where I can't see it. Because if I see it, I'll be tempted to do what I always do.
On the other hand, we can use the environment as a support to increase the frequency of a habit. If I want a healthy lifestyle, I will buy healthy food and place it in my proximity.
If I want to embrace a hobby like crocheting or playing the guitar, I'll place the tools in the living room or where I usually relax to see them and make it easy to use and practice.
Or, if I want to go to the gym on a regular basis, it might be a good idea to change my route or alternate events on that route to see the gym in my itinerary or make it easier to access.
Or I could change something in my morning routine - instead of spending an hour over coffee on my phone, I could choose to leave the house an hour early, go to the gym and then have coffee at that cute coffee shop that I don't get to as often as I'd like.
An accountability partner can help when trying to implement a habit. We can encourage each other, we can practice it together.
Some people enlist the help of those close to them to help them carry out their habits.
Others go to places where other people are practicing their habits to get inspiration, support or a sense of belonging, of community.
Before ending this episode, I want to read you a few lines attributed to Emerson:
"Follow your thoughts because they turn into words, follow your words because they turn into actions, follow your actions because they become habits,
follow your habits because they become your character, follow your character because it becomes your destiny."
I hope this episode has provided you with valuable information about the power of habits and some practical tools to manage your behaviors in the direction you want to go so that you can begin or continue to create positive and lasting change in your life.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with others you think could benefit from this information.
See you soon! Namaste!
Resources
James Clear, Atomic Habits
Daniel Kahneman, Thinking Fast and Slow
Jonathan Haidt, The Happiness Hypothesis
Wendy WoodGood Habits, Bad Habits How to Make Positive Changes That Stick
Charles DuhiggThe Power of Habit, Why We Do What We Do and How to Change
Neal D. T., Wood W., Quinn J. M., Habits-A repeat performance
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/08/well/live/habits-health.html
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